doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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