New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
