if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
