Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
is that a dick in a sweater?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
