you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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