I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
