Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
