when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
