True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
