so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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