all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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