There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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