Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
