I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
