I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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