I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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