I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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