Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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