i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
