Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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