Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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