i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
