It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
