Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
