My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
