At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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