Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
