I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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