i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
420 ftw
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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