ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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