its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
