Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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