I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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