I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
we're so committed to being not committed
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
