And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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