I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
