I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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