I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
