I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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