Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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