No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
