Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
