fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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