my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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