Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.

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(661): View more from California

God gave him joint rollers for hands

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(909): View more from California

He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.

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(631): View more from New York

His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE

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(325): View more from Texas

Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.

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