I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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