So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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