So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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