Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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