I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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