I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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