I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
This house was built for laser tag.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
3 2 1 whiskey
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
