just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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