dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
