He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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