i may or may not be watching the land before time
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
