party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
