The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize