I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
third nipple confirmed
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
