I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Come share oat with me in your robe
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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