dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
