Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
is wine microwaveable?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize