Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
