There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
