I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
