living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
