She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
