Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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