that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
