i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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