I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
