Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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