he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
