Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
