I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
