I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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