I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
